My EA team attended a conference last week in Boston. I found myself leaning towards a breakout session entitled: Navigating the Gray. I walked right in there determined that the speaker was going to share ground-breaking tips and tricks on being an outstanding EA in this unknown interim world of mine and therefore I was going to walk out with all my problems solved for the next 6-9 months. Ha! To my surprise the breakout was about helping others navigate the gray: helping leaders navigate the transition period, guiding staff to stay positive and champion the new idea or leader. Nothing in this breakout talked about ME navigating the gray.
This afternoon I found myself conversing with ChatGPT about my current situation (yes, you read that right)… About my effectiveness, efficiency and continued strategic impact during this season of change… After some additional questions, “we’ve” come up with a Weekly Strategic Impact Tracker. Currently, I don’t have someone to connect my influence, tasks and impact to so… how do I to navigate this? Here’s a few pointers for anyone else who is (has been, or maybe will be) in a similar season:
Efficient –> Strategic
Am I busy? –> Am I making the organization function better?
Create clarity: Are things less confusing because of me?
% of meetings with clear notes, action steps and all sent within 24 hours
# of recurring confusion points you’ve eliminated
Leader Load Reduced: Are key leaders thinking less about logistics because of you?
# of decisions handled without escalation
# of calendar / meeting adjustments you proactively fix
Are you giving clear and direct feedback? Ex: “Thanks, I didn’t have time to think about that..”
Projects moved forward: Are things actually progressing – not just being discussed?
# of projects you actively move forward each week
% of projects with defined next steps and owners
reduction in “stalled” initiatives
Cross team alignment: Are people more on the same page because of you? (Huge in multisite environments!)
# of miscommunications you prevent or solve
# of times you connect the right people before issues arise
fewer duplicate efforts / last minute surprises
Ownership Taken (not assigned): Are you stepping into gaps without waiting?
# of areas you proactively take ownership of
# of improvements you initiated (not requested)
new systems, rhythms, or processes you’ve introduced
What NOT to measure right now:
inbox zero
calendar perfection
task completion volume
The above items make you efficient, but not strategic.
Simple weekly scorecard (keep this super practical). At the end of each week, ask:
Did I create clarity somewhere that didn’t exist?
Did I reduce a leader’s mental load?
Did I move something forward that was stuck?
Did I align people who were disconnected?
Did I take ownership of anything new?
If none of this helps and you just need to talk it out, email me and I’ll treat you to lunch (and funny, but sarcastic conversation).
I’m a huge helper. Enneagram number 2 post child – right here. However, I cannot get to the end of a work week and feel like I’ve helped out my work/job more than I’ve helped out my family. That guts me. When I used to open my laptop at home, my husband will ask, in a pure heart, “how long are you going to be on that?” I rarely open my laptop at home anymore. I’m not talking about Easter or Christmas week or camp week – I get it! I’m talking about a routine that continually puts your husband and kids and loved ones on the back burner. This also includes YOU! I am constantly fighting to not let work win because my family is the glass ball that cannot be dropped.
A few years ago, I had a really tough year. I had two kids at the time and 3 high level bosses. Our church was going through a hard situation. My dad had emergency open heart surgery then a few weeks later I lost my grandpa. Stress hits me in the form of sleep and I was only sleeping 4-5 hours a night.
My life was out of whack. I was working constantly. I had a lot of uphold at work. I wanted to impress a new leader and somehow hang on and keep the joy with everything else going on. It was a terribly hard year. I was constantly running on empty and felt like I was raising up the white flag.
Now… that I have goals and boundaries…I have way more humility, Jesus and joy in my life. I needed to understand AND ACCEPT: my role and achievements don’t define me; whether at home or at work. Not everything hinges on me. I can only do this job with a lot of Jesus, a wonderful husband and a gracious boss. (Extra tip for all parents: move by the grandparents.)
In those hard few months, I learned to:
Be honest about your limitations.
Model for your “team” that strength includes stepping back.
Lead for authenticity, not performance.
Goals are not additional things to accomplish, but the very thing that pulls us out of the drowning feelings… Here are some examples of previous goals of mine:
Exercise at least 3x/week post baby.
Improve scripture memorization in Bible study.
Pump for first 6 months of baby.
Read 20 books.
Write at least one blog post a month.
Better calendar rhythms/planning.
Model week for me and CK. Concrete “Death By Meeting” (Patrick Lencioni) schedule.
Better tracking rhythm for meals, calendar, travel.
Build and invest in All Staff execution team.
Meet/Learn from EA Mentor/Friend.
As you can see, there are tasks I already do: reading, exercising, tracking my leader’s trips/meals. Thinking about all the things we have to accomplish in a day, a week or a month, we may slowly drown. Everything is important. Everything is urgent. It feels overwhelming, but setting goals gives us a life preserver. A life-saving rescue device when we are drowning. The waves still come but now (with goals) you have something to hold onto. You can see the horizon and look back and see what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve really swam.
Make goals of your every day/week/month existing to dos. Those are your goals. Start with small habits that you want to maintain. Stick with what works and feel successful. Goals don’t need be extravagant. They need to be reachable, or else we will automatically feel like we’re failing. Reminder to always be a student of growth, no matter what season of life you are in!
Everything you do in ministry comes out of how well you care for yourself.
When we lead ourselves well it’s a gift to the church. Our church needs us to be whole.
The Kingdom advances when we know our identity and understand our calling.
______
One of our church mantras is: Be the Branch. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, it is he that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
We can read our Bible, attend worship and serve BUT is your heart following God? Is He #1? Do you have the heart knowledge of who God is and how much he loves you? Do you have the peacefulness of knowing – YOU ARE HIS BELOVED. Jesus is our fulfillment. You cannot do this role long-term without connection to the Vine. In a church you CANNOT fake it until you make it. You won’t make it. Staying close to God and Godly community is key. If you do not take care of yourself (and your family) FIRST, your fruitfulness will not be as vibrant and impactful as when you are connected to God every day, reading your Bible and honoring yourself.
A few months ago, I came in HOT to work. I had barely slept the night before because I was up a few times with my new baby. Being the kind husband he was, my hubby let me sleep in a bit. He finally came in and said babe, it’s 8am, you should probably get up. And then I went into crazy mode. I had a HUGE meeting at 9:30am. We’ll come back to that…
Going into 2025, when I had my annual review with my boss in December of 2024, he usually gets us a prop. One year, I had a camera lense to FOCUS on my responsibilities and I learned to say NO to a lot of things that year and tailor back some of the things I was involved in. This last year, he gave me a conversational deck of cards for my husband and I and a book that his wife used to read their daughter. He said, your goal of 2025, is to be the best mom and wife you can be.
He said – things can be going perfectly at work and you’re always on time and never make mistakes and work yourself to the bone, but if things at home are bad and your marriage is struggling or your kids need you, you are failing. Y’all have heard the analogy before, but there’s plastic balls and glass balls that we are always juggling. Your family is the best, prettiest, most important glass ball. Don’t drop your family.
Back to this year… When I came back to work in April, it was my 3rd return to work after maternity leave. I came in my old (I mean pre-pregnant) jeans – realized I needed my “standing desk” option the whole day because I was too uncomfortable in those too TIGHT jeans. Had a lunch packed and did my routine 3x pumping. My boss was out the week I came back (tip: do that, catch up, get used to new schedule, all the things when he/she is out of the office).
A few weeks in, my life was CHAOTIC (and to be honest it still kind of is). I was sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and honestly kinda annoyed I had to care about the things at work again. Who cares about service times? I don’t want to restock the fridge. I don’t want to go to that meeting. I liked not caring about this place on maternity leave. My anxiety was out the roof. Here’s the funny thing, I was organizing a desert day when this all clicked in my head. If you don’t know what a desert day is: it’s a day to rest and renew away from everything and reconnect with Jesus. It’s a day to slow down. Some are facilitated and some are just you and God, nature, your Bible, etc. (If you want more info or have no idea what I’m talking message me and I’ll share more.)
Anyhoo, this day that I’m supposed to feel restored in the Lord’s faithfulness to me… we were reading Psalm 73. Where my boss is asking us how we are becoming bitter. Then later in psalm 73, he asked about our sanctuaries. My sanctuary? What kind of sanctuary does a mom of 3, sleep deprived, working full time have these days We each went around and answered (because that’s what my boss does, everyone always answers) and I couldn’t think of how I was bitter, I was just tired. Exhausted. Then I realized that my exhaustion was making me bitter.
Back to my coming in HOT story… that Tuesday afternoon, THE NEXT DAY after the desert day, I spoke with my mom. I said, it’s too much… I think I’m having an anxiety attack. I can’t do all this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Somewhere in here, I shared my thoughts with my husband and he always: “bring it in for a hug hands” and I melt. Then it’s Wednesday. I’m in Bible study and I can’t pay attention. It’s been an hour and a half and then at the end we’re going over prayer requests. It’s my turn and I start crying and confess I’m in a funk this week. I need prayer.
Then I meet with my boss for my 1:1 that afternoon. We go over everything we need to. I linger getting up gathering my things… I say, hey, I just want you to know I’ve had a rough week. I’ve been in a funk. I’m better now. I’m covered in prayer, but that I have been struggling being back in the office. He asks if there’s anyway he can help then thanks me for sharing with him.
Your mental health is your job. Take charge: Again the kingdom and your church needs the WHOLE you. Sharing that you’re struggling allows you to be on a level playing field with your boss. Sharing that I was struggling lifted some of the burden. I felt the prayers from my Bible study ladies. I felt the precious hug from my husband and the support of my boss.
Self leadership requires:
Honoring the sabbath. Rest without guilt because Jesus rested too. I don’t do dishes on Saturday. It’s my thing. What is your thing that you won’t do on sabbath or DO on sabbath that allows you rest in God’s presence? Maybe it’s not setting an alarm, exercising, taking a walk in nature, listening to worship music – sabbath is resting without guilt. Give God something – YOU! If you think of something on an off day, email your work email from your personal email so that you STAY AWAY from the work mindset and don’t get pulled into any emails.
Making wise choices. Set boundaries. Setting boundaries protect our calling. Say no to things or people so that you can say YES to God and other good things. There are some people I do not want to regularly hang out with because they don’t fill me up. They take a lot of energy and honestly, there’s no emotional, relational or spiritual benefits for me. When I’m away from my family or work, I want to spend my time wisely and choose people that fill me up.
Being intentional with your personal health. Such as: date nights, fun, distraction free time with your children (young or older), sleeping well, eating right, exercising. This could be leaning into your spiritual pathways to reconnect with God and rest in Him. If you cannot afford date nights then budget for them and make something happen. Search the internet for cheap fun date nights, maybe even in your own home. I’ve even heard of people door-dashing theater popcorn now to watch a movie at home after the kids have gone to sleep. Wow! Maybe even take your adult children out to lunch once a month. Tease those teenagers to a free meal! Author and speaker Jennie Allen said she told her kids when they started driving that if they were going to hang out together, just siblings no friends, that her and her husband would pay for it. A meal, something fun – to build their sibling relationships. I love that.
Having community. WHO in your life knows what you need during hard times? Who has permission to ask you HARD questions about how you’re really doing? I recently read a book about a nurse and her lost love and all the things World War II. When the main character spoke about her war friend nurses, I loved how they cared for each other – in knowing exactly what the other needed, she said… “…when they agreed to be friends, what they really needed was someone steady in the hard times.” I challenge you to make sure you have friends who know what you need in hard times: hand squeeze, silence but presence, hug, talk it out.
I know there are people who ask how you’re doing and you’ll always say fine. That’s ok! Having someone in your life, and maybe they’re at work too, that can say how are you – and you’ll be transparent is SO healthy. Some of you may take the BCWI survey within your church staff. There’s a question on there that’s vital to an employee’s overall happiness at work: Do you have a best friend at work?
Let’s be honest – saying “I’m fine.” is a defense mechanism. It’s a spiritual sounding lie and it robs us and the people who love us of the joy and love of community (“together through thick and thin”).
Vulnerability weaves strength into our spirit and it helps you in times of struggle. When telling my mom, Connor and my Bible study ladies how I was doing, I felt – “I’m stronger with Connor by my side…. And so on.” I’m creating space for God to show up through His people.
Plus we’re women(!!!!)…. Saying I’m fine or I’m good is our secret code for: IM DROWNING. Because we don’t want to be a burden. I’m taking care of a high level leader, running our huge staff meetings, coordinating meals upon meals (people gotta eat!) and if I fall apart then that lets him down… No! It’s not a failure of your faith, it’s an act of faith to say: I’m in a funk. I need some help.
THIS IS WISE, NOT WEAK. Here’s some scripture to back me up!
2 Cor 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.“
______
Here’s one way I recently handled hard times: This summer I was not bouncing back as fast as I had with my other kids – aka 3 kids is a LOT. I was buying bigger jeans, still wanting mac and cheese everyday (man!) and really just not wanting to take care of myself. I knew I needed a headshot for this speaking event and another I’m doing in a month or so and I didn’t have any pictures worth sending. I even thought about sending a picture with a kid so that I had proof that I really was exhausted… then I thought hmmm, Sara, a fellow EA, always talks about AI and I haven’t really used it yet. Let’s see if I can use it to my advantage here and see what it does…
Uhh hello – I look awesome!!! It’s me but it’s not me! Don’t get me wrong, some of the pics that I got made me look like college freshman Tessa and trust me that Tessa has sailed. But for the most part I loved every picture. I needed the self-esteem booster. As I showed the pictures to my dad, I said: I wanna look like that. And my sweet dad says, “Babe, you do look like this.” Bottom line: be kind to yourself and use AI!
________
Sometime in the next day or so, take 5-10 minutes to do a personal audit and work audit of your life right now. Remember we are dialing into: How are you leading yourself? Then… check-in:
My EA team attended a conference last week in Boston. I found myself leaning towards a breakout session entitled: Navigating the Gray. I walked right in there determined that the speaker was going to share ground-breaking tips and tricks on being an outstanding EA in this unknown interim world of mine and therefore I was going to walk out with all my problems solved for the next 6-9 months. Ha! To my surprise the breakout was about helping others navigate the gray: helping leaders navigate the transition period, guiding staff to stay positive and champion the new idea or leader. Nothing in this breakout talked about ME navigating the gray.
This afternoon I found myself conversing with ChatGPT about my current situation (yes, you read that right)… About my effectiveness, efficiency and continued strategic impact during this season of change… After some additional questions, “we’ve” come up with a Weekly Strategic Impact Tracker. Currently, I don’t have someone to connect my influence, tasks and impact to so… how do I to navigate this? Here’s a few pointers for anyone else who is (has been, or maybe will be) in a similar season:
Efficient –> Strategic
Am I busy? –> Am I making the organization function better?
Create clarity: Are things less confusing because of me?
% of meetings with clear notes, action steps and all sent within 24 hours
# of recurring confusion points you’ve eliminated
Leader Load Reduced: Are key leaders thinking less about logistics because of you?
# of decisions handled without escalation
# of calendar / meeting adjustments you proactively fix
Are you giving clear and direct feedback? Ex: “Thanks, I didn’t have time to think about that..”
Projects moved forward: Are things actually progressing – not just being discussed?
# of projects you actively move forward each week
% of projects with defined next steps and owners
reduction in “stalled” initiatives
Cross team alignment: Are people more on the same page because of you? (Huge in multisite environments!)
# of miscommunications you prevent or solve
# of times you connect the right people before issues arise
fewer duplicate efforts / last minute surprises
Ownership Taken (not assigned): Are you stepping into gaps without waiting?
# of areas you proactively take ownership of
# of improvements you initiated (not requested)
new systems, rhythms, or processes you’ve introduced
What NOT to measure right now:
inbox zero
calendar perfection
task completion volume
The above items make you efficient, but not strategic.
Simple weekly scorecard (keep this super practical). At the end of each week, ask:
Did I create clarity somewhere that didn’t exist?
Did I reduce a leader’s mental load?
Did I move something forward that was stuck?
Did I align people who were disconnected?
Did I take ownership of anything new?
If none of this helps and you just need to talk it out, email me and I’ll treat you to lunch (and funny, but sarcastic conversation).
I’m a huge helper. Enneagram number 2 post child – right here. However, I cannot get to the end of a work week and feel like I’ve helped out my work/job more than I’ve helped out my family. That guts me. When I used to open my laptop at home, my husband will ask, in a pure heart, “how long are you going to be on that?” I rarely open my laptop at home anymore. I’m not talking about Easter or Christmas week or camp week – I get it! I’m talking about a routine that continually puts your husband and kids and loved ones on the back burner. This also includes YOU! I am constantly fighting to not let work win because my family is the glass ball that cannot be dropped.
A few years ago, I had a really tough year. I had two kids at the time and 3 high level bosses. Our church was going through a hard situation. My dad had emergency open heart surgery then a few weeks later I lost my grandpa. Stress hits me in the form of sleep and I was only sleeping 4-5 hours a night.
My life was out of whack. I was working constantly. I had a lot of uphold at work. I wanted to impress a new leader and somehow hang on and keep the joy with everything else going on. It was a terribly hard year. I was constantly running on empty and felt like I was raising up the white flag.
Now… that I have goals and boundaries…I have way more humility, Jesus and joy in my life. I needed to understand AND ACCEPT: my role and achievements don’t define me; whether at home or at work. Not everything hinges on me. I can only do this job with a lot of Jesus, a wonderful husband and a gracious boss. (Extra tip for all parents: move by the grandparents.)
In those hard few months, I learned to:
Be honest about your limitations.
Model for your “team” that strength includes stepping back.
Lead for authenticity, not performance.
Goals are not additional things to accomplish, but the very thing that pulls us out of the drowning feelings… Here are some examples of previous goals of mine:
Exercise at least 3x/week post baby.
Improve scripture memorization in Bible study.
Pump for first 6 months of baby.
Read 20 books.
Write at least one blog post a month.
Better calendar rhythms/planning.
Model week for me and CK. Concrete “Death By Meeting” (Patrick Lencioni) schedule.
Better tracking rhythm for meals, calendar, travel.
Build and invest in All Staff execution team.
Meet/Learn from EA Mentor/Friend.
As you can see, there are tasks I already do: reading, exercising, tracking my leader’s trips/meals. Thinking about all the things we have to accomplish in a day, a week or a month, we may slowly drown. Everything is important. Everything is urgent. It feels overwhelming, but setting goals gives us a life preserver. A life-saving rescue device when we are drowning. The waves still come but now (with goals) you have something to hold onto. You can see the horizon and look back and see what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve really swam.
Make goals of your every day/week/month existing to dos. Those are your goals. Start with small habits that you want to maintain. Stick with what works and feel successful. Goals don’t need be extravagant. They need to be reachable, or else we will automatically feel like we’re failing. Reminder to always be a student of growth, no matter what season of life you are in!
Everything you do in ministry comes out of how well you care for yourself.
When we lead ourselves well it’s a gift to the church. Our church needs us to be whole.
The Kingdom advances when we know our identity and understand our calling.
______
One of our church mantras is: Be the Branch. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, it is he that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
We can read our Bible, attend worship and serve BUT is your heart following God? Is He #1? Do you have the heart knowledge of who God is and how much he loves you? Do you have the peacefulness of knowing – YOU ARE HIS BELOVED. Jesus is our fulfillment. You cannot do this role long-term without connection to the Vine. In a church you CANNOT fake it until you make it. You won’t make it. Staying close to God and Godly community is key. If you do not take care of yourself (and your family) FIRST, your fruitfulness will not be as vibrant and impactful as when you are connected to God every day, reading your Bible and honoring yourself.
A few months ago, I came in HOT to work. I had barely slept the night before because I was up a few times with my new baby. Being the kind husband he was, my hubby let me sleep in a bit. He finally came in and said babe, it’s 8am, you should probably get up. And then I went into crazy mode. I had a HUGE meeting at 9:30am. We’ll come back to that…
Going into 2025, when I had my annual review with my boss in December of 2024, he usually gets us a prop. One year, I had a camera lense to FOCUS on my responsibilities and I learned to say NO to a lot of things that year and tailor back some of the things I was involved in. This last year, he gave me a conversational deck of cards for my husband and I and a book that his wife used to read their daughter. He said, your goal of 2025, is to be the best mom and wife you can be.
He said – things can be going perfectly at work and you’re always on time and never make mistakes and work yourself to the bone, but if things at home are bad and your marriage is struggling or your kids need you, you are failing. Y’all have heard the analogy before, but there’s plastic balls and glass balls that we are always juggling. Your family is the best, prettiest, most important glass ball. Don’t drop your family.
Back to this year… When I came back to work in April, it was my 3rd return to work after maternity leave. I came in my old (I mean pre-pregnant) jeans – realized I needed my “standing desk” option the whole day because I was too uncomfortable in those too TIGHT jeans. Had a lunch packed and did my routine 3x pumping. My boss was out the week I came back (tip: do that, catch up, get used to new schedule, all the things when he/she is out of the office).
A few weeks in, my life was CHAOTIC (and to be honest it still kind of is). I was sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and honestly kinda annoyed I had to care about the things at work again. Who cares about service times? I don’t want to restock the fridge. I don’t want to go to that meeting. I liked not caring about this place on maternity leave. My anxiety was out the roof. Here’s the funny thing, I was organizing a desert day when this all clicked in my head. If you don’t know what a desert day is: it’s a day to rest and renew away from everything and reconnect with Jesus. It’s a day to slow down. Some are facilitated and some are just you and God, nature, your Bible, etc. (If you want more info or have no idea what I’m talking message me and I’ll share more.)
Anyhoo, this day that I’m supposed to feel restored in the Lord’s faithfulness to me… we were reading Psalm 73. Where my boss is asking us how we are becoming bitter. Then later in psalm 73, he asked about our sanctuaries. My sanctuary? What kind of sanctuary does a mom of 3, sleep deprived, working full time have these days We each went around and answered (because that’s what my boss does, everyone always answers) and I couldn’t think of how I was bitter, I was just tired. Exhausted. Then I realized that my exhaustion was making me bitter.
Back to my coming in HOT story… that Tuesday afternoon, THE NEXT DAY after the desert day, I spoke with my mom. I said, it’s too much… I think I’m having an anxiety attack. I can’t do all this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Somewhere in here, I shared my thoughts with my husband and he always: “bring it in for a hug hands” and I melt. Then it’s Wednesday. I’m in Bible study and I can’t pay attention. It’s been an hour and a half and then at the end we’re going over prayer requests. It’s my turn and I start crying and confess I’m in a funk this week. I need prayer.
Then I meet with my boss for my 1:1 that afternoon. We go over everything we need to. I linger getting up gathering my things… I say, hey, I just want you to know I’ve had a rough week. I’ve been in a funk. I’m better now. I’m covered in prayer, but that I have been struggling being back in the office. He asks if there’s anyway he can help then thanks me for sharing with him.
Your mental health is your job. Take charge: Again the kingdom and your church needs the WHOLE you. Sharing that you’re struggling allows you to be on a level playing field with your boss. Sharing that I was struggling lifted some of the burden. I felt the prayers from my Bible study ladies. I felt the precious hug from my husband and the support of my boss.
Self leadership requires:
Honoring the sabbath. Rest without guilt because Jesus rested too. I don’t do dishes on Saturday. It’s my thing. What is your thing that you won’t do on sabbath or DO on sabbath that allows you rest in God’s presence? Maybe it’s not setting an alarm, exercising, taking a walk in nature, listening to worship music – sabbath is resting without guilt. Give God something – YOU! If you think of something on an off day, email your work email from your personal email so that you STAY AWAY from the work mindset and don’t get pulled into any emails.
Making wise choices. Set boundaries. Setting boundaries protect our calling. Say no to things or people so that you can say YES to God and other good things. There are some people I do not want to regularly hang out with because they don’t fill me up. They take a lot of energy and honestly, there’s no emotional, relational or spiritual benefits for me. When I’m away from my family or work, I want to spend my time wisely and choose people that fill me up.
Being intentional with your personal health. Such as: date nights, fun, distraction free time with your children (young or older), sleeping well, eating right, exercising. This could be leaning into your spiritual pathways to reconnect with God and rest in Him. If you cannot afford date nights then budget for them and make something happen. Search the internet for cheap fun date nights, maybe even in your own home. I’ve even heard of people door-dashing theater popcorn now to watch a movie at home after the kids have gone to sleep. Wow! Maybe even take your adult children out to lunch once a month. Tease those teenagers to a free meal! Author and speaker Jennie Allen said she told her kids when they started driving that if they were going to hang out together, just siblings no friends, that her and her husband would pay for it. A meal, something fun – to build their sibling relationships. I love that.
Having community. WHO in your life knows what you need during hard times? Who has permission to ask you HARD questions about how you’re really doing? I recently read a book about a nurse and her lost love and all the things World War II. When the main character spoke about her war friend nurses, I loved how they cared for each other – in knowing exactly what the other needed, she said… “…when they agreed to be friends, what they really needed was someone steady in the hard times.” I challenge you to make sure you have friends who know what you need in hard times: hand squeeze, silence but presence, hug, talk it out.
I know there are people who ask how you’re doing and you’ll always say fine. That’s ok! Having someone in your life, and maybe they’re at work too, that can say how are you – and you’ll be transparent is SO healthy. Some of you may take the BCWI survey within your church staff. There’s a question on there that’s vital to an employee’s overall happiness at work: Do you have a best friend at work?
Let’s be honest – saying “I’m fine.” is a defense mechanism. It’s a spiritual sounding lie and it robs us and the people who love us of the joy and love of community (“together through thick and thin”).
Vulnerability weaves strength into our spirit and it helps you in times of struggle. When telling my mom, Connor and my Bible study ladies how I was doing, I felt – “I’m stronger with Connor by my side…. And so on.” I’m creating space for God to show up through His people.
Plus we’re women(!!!!)…. Saying I’m fine or I’m good is our secret code for: IM DROWNING. Because we don’t want to be a burden. I’m taking care of a high level leader, running our huge staff meetings, coordinating meals upon meals (people gotta eat!) and if I fall apart then that lets him down… No! It’s not a failure of your faith, it’s an act of faith to say: I’m in a funk. I need some help.
THIS IS WISE, NOT WEAK. Here’s some scripture to back me up!
2 Cor 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.“
______
Here’s one way I recently handled hard times: This summer I was not bouncing back as fast as I had with my other kids – aka 3 kids is a LOT. I was buying bigger jeans, still wanting mac and cheese everyday (man!) and really just not wanting to take care of myself. I knew I needed a headshot for this speaking event and another I’m doing in a month or so and I didn’t have any pictures worth sending. I even thought about sending a picture with a kid so that I had proof that I really was exhausted… then I thought hmmm, Sara, a fellow EA, always talks about AI and I haven’t really used it yet. Let’s see if I can use it to my advantage here and see what it does…
Uhh hello – I look awesome!!! It’s me but it’s not me! Don’t get me wrong, some of the pics that I got made me look like college freshman Tessa and trust me that Tessa has sailed. But for the most part I loved every picture. I needed the self-esteem booster. As I showed the pictures to my dad, I said: I wanna look like that. And my sweet dad says, “Babe, you do look like this.” Bottom line: be kind to yourself and use AI!
________
Sometime in the next day or so, take 5-10 minutes to do a personal audit and work audit of your life right now. Remember we are dialing into: How are you leading yourself? Then… check-in:
My EA team attended a conference last week in Boston. I found myself leaning towards a breakout session entitled: Navigating the Gray. I walked right in there determined that the speaker was going to share ground-breaking tips and tricks on being an outstanding EA in this unknown interim world of mine and therefore I was going to walk out with all my problems solved for the next 6-9 months. Ha! To my surprise the breakout was about helping others navigate the gray: helping leaders navigate the transition period, guiding staff to stay positive and champion the new idea or leader. Nothing in this breakout talked about ME navigating the gray.
This afternoon I found myself conversing with ChatGPT about my current situation (yes, you read that right)… About my effectiveness, efficiency and continued strategic impact during this season of change… After some additional questions, “we’ve” come up with a Weekly Strategic Impact Tracker. Currently, I don’t have someone to connect my influence, tasks and impact to so… how do I to navigate this? Here’s a few pointers for anyone else who is (has been, or maybe will be) in a similar season:
Efficient –> Strategic
Am I busy? –> Am I making the organization function better?
Create clarity: Are things less confusing because of me?
% of meetings with clear notes, action steps and all sent within 24 hours
# of recurring confusion points you’ve eliminated
Leader Load Reduced: Are key leaders thinking less about logistics because of you?
# of decisions handled without escalation
# of calendar / meeting adjustments you proactively fix
Are you giving clear and direct feedback? Ex: “Thanks, I didn’t have time to think about that..”
Projects moved forward: Are things actually progressing – not just being discussed?
# of projects you actively move forward each week
% of projects with defined next steps and owners
reduction in “stalled” initiatives
Cross team alignment: Are people more on the same page because of you? (Huge in multisite environments!)
# of miscommunications you prevent or solve
# of times you connect the right people before issues arise
fewer duplicate efforts / last minute surprises
Ownership Taken (not assigned): Are you stepping into gaps without waiting?
# of areas you proactively take ownership of
# of improvements you initiated (not requested)
new systems, rhythms, or processes you’ve introduced
What NOT to measure right now:
inbox zero
calendar perfection
task completion volume
The above items make you efficient, but not strategic.
Simple weekly scorecard (keep this super practical). At the end of each week, ask:
Did I create clarity somewhere that didn’t exist?
Did I reduce a leader’s mental load?
Did I move something forward that was stuck?
Did I align people who were disconnected?
Did I take ownership of anything new?
If none of this helps and you just need to talk it out, email me and I’ll treat you to lunch (and funny, but sarcastic conversation).
I’m a huge helper. Enneagram number 2 post child – right here. However, I cannot get to the end of a work week and feel like I’ve helped out my work/job more than I’ve helped out my family. That guts me. When I used to open my laptop at home, my husband will ask, in a pure heart, “how long are you going to be on that?” I rarely open my laptop at home anymore. I’m not talking about Easter or Christmas week or camp week – I get it! I’m talking about a routine that continually puts your husband and kids and loved ones on the back burner. This also includes YOU! I am constantly fighting to not let work win because my family is the glass ball that cannot be dropped.
A few years ago, I had a really tough year. I had two kids at the time and 3 high level bosses. Our church was going through a hard situation. My dad had emergency open heart surgery then a few weeks later I lost my grandpa. Stress hits me in the form of sleep and I was only sleeping 4-5 hours a night.
My life was out of whack. I was working constantly. I had a lot of uphold at work. I wanted to impress a new leader and somehow hang on and keep the joy with everything else going on. It was a terribly hard year. I was constantly running on empty and felt like I was raising up the white flag.
Now… that I have goals and boundaries…I have way more humility, Jesus and joy in my life. I needed to understand AND ACCEPT: my role and achievements don’t define me; whether at home or at work. Not everything hinges on me. I can only do this job with a lot of Jesus, a wonderful husband and a gracious boss. (Extra tip for all parents: move by the grandparents.)
In those hard few months, I learned to:
Be honest about your limitations.
Model for your “team” that strength includes stepping back.
Lead for authenticity, not performance.
Goals are not additional things to accomplish, but the very thing that pulls us out of the drowning feelings… Here are some examples of previous goals of mine:
Exercise at least 3x/week post baby.
Improve scripture memorization in Bible study.
Pump for first 6 months of baby.
Read 20 books.
Write at least one blog post a month.
Better calendar rhythms/planning.
Model week for me and CK. Concrete “Death By Meeting” (Patrick Lencioni) schedule.
Better tracking rhythm for meals, calendar, travel.
Build and invest in All Staff execution team.
Meet/Learn from EA Mentor/Friend.
As you can see, there are tasks I already do: reading, exercising, tracking my leader’s trips/meals. Thinking about all the things we have to accomplish in a day, a week or a month, we may slowly drown. Everything is important. Everything is urgent. It feels overwhelming, but setting goals gives us a life preserver. A life-saving rescue device when we are drowning. The waves still come but now (with goals) you have something to hold onto. You can see the horizon and look back and see what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve really swam.
Make goals of your every day/week/month existing to dos. Those are your goals. Start with small habits that you want to maintain. Stick with what works and feel successful. Goals don’t need be extravagant. They need to be reachable, or else we will automatically feel like we’re failing. Reminder to always be a student of growth, no matter what season of life you are in!
Everything you do in ministry comes out of how well you care for yourself.
When we lead ourselves well it’s a gift to the church. Our church needs us to be whole.
The Kingdom advances when we know our identity and understand our calling.
______
One of our church mantras is: Be the Branch. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, it is he that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
We can read our Bible, attend worship and serve BUT is your heart following God? Is He #1? Do you have the heart knowledge of who God is and how much he loves you? Do you have the peacefulness of knowing – YOU ARE HIS BELOVED. Jesus is our fulfillment. You cannot do this role long-term without connection to the Vine. In a church you CANNOT fake it until you make it. You won’t make it. Staying close to God and Godly community is key. If you do not take care of yourself (and your family) FIRST, your fruitfulness will not be as vibrant and impactful as when you are connected to God every day, reading your Bible and honoring yourself.
A few months ago, I came in HOT to work. I had barely slept the night before because I was up a few times with my new baby. Being the kind husband he was, my hubby let me sleep in a bit. He finally came in and said babe, it’s 8am, you should probably get up. And then I went into crazy mode. I had a HUGE meeting at 9:30am. We’ll come back to that…
Going into 2025, when I had my annual review with my boss in December of 2024, he usually gets us a prop. One year, I had a camera lense to FOCUS on my responsibilities and I learned to say NO to a lot of things that year and tailor back some of the things I was involved in. This last year, he gave me a conversational deck of cards for my husband and I and a book that his wife used to read their daughter. He said, your goal of 2025, is to be the best mom and wife you can be.
He said – things can be going perfectly at work and you’re always on time and never make mistakes and work yourself to the bone, but if things at home are bad and your marriage is struggling or your kids need you, you are failing. Y’all have heard the analogy before, but there’s plastic balls and glass balls that we are always juggling. Your family is the best, prettiest, most important glass ball. Don’t drop your family.
Back to this year… When I came back to work in April, it was my 3rd return to work after maternity leave. I came in my old (I mean pre-pregnant) jeans – realized I needed my “standing desk” option the whole day because I was too uncomfortable in those too TIGHT jeans. Had a lunch packed and did my routine 3x pumping. My boss was out the week I came back (tip: do that, catch up, get used to new schedule, all the things when he/she is out of the office).
A few weeks in, my life was CHAOTIC (and to be honest it still kind of is). I was sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and honestly kinda annoyed I had to care about the things at work again. Who cares about service times? I don’t want to restock the fridge. I don’t want to go to that meeting. I liked not caring about this place on maternity leave. My anxiety was out the roof. Here’s the funny thing, I was organizing a desert day when this all clicked in my head. If you don’t know what a desert day is: it’s a day to rest and renew away from everything and reconnect with Jesus. It’s a day to slow down. Some are facilitated and some are just you and God, nature, your Bible, etc. (If you want more info or have no idea what I’m talking message me and I’ll share more.)
Anyhoo, this day that I’m supposed to feel restored in the Lord’s faithfulness to me… we were reading Psalm 73. Where my boss is asking us how we are becoming bitter. Then later in psalm 73, he asked about our sanctuaries. My sanctuary? What kind of sanctuary does a mom of 3, sleep deprived, working full time have these days We each went around and answered (because that’s what my boss does, everyone always answers) and I couldn’t think of how I was bitter, I was just tired. Exhausted. Then I realized that my exhaustion was making me bitter.
Back to my coming in HOT story… that Tuesday afternoon, THE NEXT DAY after the desert day, I spoke with my mom. I said, it’s too much… I think I’m having an anxiety attack. I can’t do all this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Somewhere in here, I shared my thoughts with my husband and he always: “bring it in for a hug hands” and I melt. Then it’s Wednesday. I’m in Bible study and I can’t pay attention. It’s been an hour and a half and then at the end we’re going over prayer requests. It’s my turn and I start crying and confess I’m in a funk this week. I need prayer.
Then I meet with my boss for my 1:1 that afternoon. We go over everything we need to. I linger getting up gathering my things… I say, hey, I just want you to know I’ve had a rough week. I’ve been in a funk. I’m better now. I’m covered in prayer, but that I have been struggling being back in the office. He asks if there’s anyway he can help then thanks me for sharing with him.
Your mental health is your job. Take charge: Again the kingdom and your church needs the WHOLE you. Sharing that you’re struggling allows you to be on a level playing field with your boss. Sharing that I was struggling lifted some of the burden. I felt the prayers from my Bible study ladies. I felt the precious hug from my husband and the support of my boss.
Self leadership requires:
Honoring the sabbath. Rest without guilt because Jesus rested too. I don’t do dishes on Saturday. It’s my thing. What is your thing that you won’t do on sabbath or DO on sabbath that allows you rest in God’s presence? Maybe it’s not setting an alarm, exercising, taking a walk in nature, listening to worship music – sabbath is resting without guilt. Give God something – YOU! If you think of something on an off day, email your work email from your personal email so that you STAY AWAY from the work mindset and don’t get pulled into any emails.
Making wise choices. Set boundaries. Setting boundaries protect our calling. Say no to things or people so that you can say YES to God and other good things. There are some people I do not want to regularly hang out with because they don’t fill me up. They take a lot of energy and honestly, there’s no emotional, relational or spiritual benefits for me. When I’m away from my family or work, I want to spend my time wisely and choose people that fill me up.
Being intentional with your personal health. Such as: date nights, fun, distraction free time with your children (young or older), sleeping well, eating right, exercising. This could be leaning into your spiritual pathways to reconnect with God and rest in Him. If you cannot afford date nights then budget for them and make something happen. Search the internet for cheap fun date nights, maybe even in your own home. I’ve even heard of people door-dashing theater popcorn now to watch a movie at home after the kids have gone to sleep. Wow! Maybe even take your adult children out to lunch once a month. Tease those teenagers to a free meal! Author and speaker Jennie Allen said she told her kids when they started driving that if they were going to hang out together, just siblings no friends, that her and her husband would pay for it. A meal, something fun – to build their sibling relationships. I love that.
Having community. WHO in your life knows what you need during hard times? Who has permission to ask you HARD questions about how you’re really doing? I recently read a book about a nurse and her lost love and all the things World War II. When the main character spoke about her war friend nurses, I loved how they cared for each other – in knowing exactly what the other needed, she said… “…when they agreed to be friends, what they really needed was someone steady in the hard times.” I challenge you to make sure you have friends who know what you need in hard times: hand squeeze, silence but presence, hug, talk it out.
I know there are people who ask how you’re doing and you’ll always say fine. That’s ok! Having someone in your life, and maybe they’re at work too, that can say how are you – and you’ll be transparent is SO healthy. Some of you may take the BCWI survey within your church staff. There’s a question on there that’s vital to an employee’s overall happiness at work: Do you have a best friend at work?
Let’s be honest – saying “I’m fine.” is a defense mechanism. It’s a spiritual sounding lie and it robs us and the people who love us of the joy and love of community (“together through thick and thin”).
Vulnerability weaves strength into our spirit and it helps you in times of struggle. When telling my mom, Connor and my Bible study ladies how I was doing, I felt – “I’m stronger with Connor by my side…. And so on.” I’m creating space for God to show up through His people.
Plus we’re women(!!!!)…. Saying I’m fine or I’m good is our secret code for: IM DROWNING. Because we don’t want to be a burden. I’m taking care of a high level leader, running our huge staff meetings, coordinating meals upon meals (people gotta eat!) and if I fall apart then that lets him down… No! It’s not a failure of your faith, it’s an act of faith to say: I’m in a funk. I need some help.
THIS IS WISE, NOT WEAK. Here’s some scripture to back me up!
2 Cor 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.“
______
Here’s one way I recently handled hard times: This summer I was not bouncing back as fast as I had with my other kids – aka 3 kids is a LOT. I was buying bigger jeans, still wanting mac and cheese everyday (man!) and really just not wanting to take care of myself. I knew I needed a headshot for this speaking event and another I’m doing in a month or so and I didn’t have any pictures worth sending. I even thought about sending a picture with a kid so that I had proof that I really was exhausted… then I thought hmmm, Sara, a fellow EA, always talks about AI and I haven’t really used it yet. Let’s see if I can use it to my advantage here and see what it does…
Uhh hello – I look awesome!!! It’s me but it’s not me! Don’t get me wrong, some of the pics that I got made me look like college freshman Tessa and trust me that Tessa has sailed. But for the most part I loved every picture. I needed the self-esteem booster. As I showed the pictures to my dad, I said: I wanna look like that. And my sweet dad says, “Babe, you do look like this.” Bottom line: be kind to yourself and use AI!
________
Sometime in the next day or so, take 5-10 minutes to do a personal audit and work audit of your life right now. Remember we are dialing into: How are you leading yourself? Then… check-in:
Hi! I’m Tessa. I have served the local church in Louisville, KY as an executive assistant for the past 11 years. I love learning and sharing best practices and tips for serving my leader and teams efficiently and effectively. I’m married and have 3 amazing kids. I love the Green Bay Packers, UK Wildcats, the beach, eating chips and queso and bowling. If you know me, you know I like to talk “admin”!
Help Is Just One Admin Away 