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Everything you do in ministry comes out of how well you care for yourself.

When we lead ourselves well it’s a gift to the church. Our church needs us to be whole.

The Kingdom advances when we know our identity and understand our calling.

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One of our church mantras is: Be the Branch. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, it is he that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

We can read our Bible, attend worship and serve BUT is your heart following God? Is He #1? Do you have the heart knowledge of who God is and how much he loves you? Do you have the peacefulness of knowing – YOU ARE HIS BELOVED. Jesus is our fulfillment. You cannot do this role long-term without connection to the Vine. In a church you CANNOT fake it until you make it. You won’t make it. Staying close to God and Godly community is key. If you do not take care of yourself (and your family) FIRST, your fruitfulness will not be as vibrant and impactful as when you are connected to God every day, reading your Bible and honoring yourself.

A few months ago, I came in HOT to work. I had barely slept the night before because I was up a few times with my new baby. Being the kind husband he was, my hubby let me sleep in a bit.  He finally came in and said babe, it’s 8am, you should probably get up. And then I went into crazy mode. I had a HUGE meeting at 9:30am. We’ll come back to that…

Going into 2025, when I had my annual review with my boss in December of 2024, he usually gets us a prop. One year, I had a camera lense to FOCUS on my responsibilities and I learned to say NO to a lot of things that year and tailor back some of the things I was involved in. This last year, he gave me a conversational deck of cards for my husband and I and a book that his wife used to read their daughter. He said, your goal of 2025, is to be the best mom and wife you can be.

He said – things can be going perfectly at work and you’re always on time and never make mistakes and work yourself to the bone, but if things at home are bad and your marriage is struggling or your kids need you, you are failing. Y’all have heard the analogy before, but there’s plastic balls and glass balls that we are always juggling. Your family is the best, prettiest, most important glass ball. Don’t drop your family.

Back to this year…  When I came back to work in April, it was my 3rd return to work after maternity leave. I came in my old (I mean pre-pregnant) jeans – realized I needed my “standing desk” option the whole day because I was too uncomfortable in those too TIGHT jeans. Had a lunch packed and did my routine 3x pumping. My boss was out the week I came back (tip: do that, catch up, get used to new schedule, all the things when he/she is out of the office).

A few weeks in, my life was CHAOTIC (and to be honest it still kind of is). I was sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and honestly kinda annoyed I had to care about the things at work again. Who cares about service times? I don’t want to restock the fridge. I don’t want to go to that meeting. I liked not caring about this place on maternity leave. My anxiety was out the roof. Here’s the funny thing, I was organizing a desert day when this all clicked in my head. If you don’t know what a desert day is: it’s a day to rest and renew away from everything and reconnect with Jesus.  It’s a day to slow down. Some are facilitated and some are just you and God, nature, your Bible, etc. (If you want more info or have no idea what I’m talking message me and I’ll share more.)

Anyhoo, this day that I’m supposed to feel restored in the Lord’s faithfulness to me… we were reading Psalm 73. Where my boss is asking us how we are becoming bitter. Then later in psalm 73, he asked about our sanctuaries. My sanctuary? What kind of sanctuary does a mom of 3, sleep deprived, working full time have these days We each went around and answered (because that’s what my boss does, everyone always answers) and I couldn’t think of how I was bitter, I was just tired. Exhausted. Then I realized that my exhaustion was making me bitter.

Back to my coming in HOT story… that Tuesday afternoon, THE NEXT DAY after the desert day, I spoke with my mom. I said, it’s too much… I think I’m having an anxiety attack. I can’t do all this.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Somewhere in here, I shared my thoughts with my husband and he always: “bring it in for a hug hands” and I melt. Then it’s Wednesday. I’m in Bible study and I can’t pay attention. It’s been an hour and a half and then at the end we’re going over prayer requests. It’s my turn and I start crying and confess I’m in a funk this week. I need prayer.

Then I meet with my boss for my 1:1 that afternoon. We go over everything we need to. I linger getting up gathering my things… I say, hey, I just want you to know I’ve had a rough week. I’ve been in a funk. I’m better now. I’m covered in prayer, but that I have been struggling being back in the office. He asks if there’s anyway he can help then thanks me for sharing with him.

Your mental health is your job. Take charge: Again the kingdom and your church needs the WHOLE you. Sharing that you’re struggling allows you to be on a level playing field with your boss. Sharing that I was struggling lifted some of the burden. I felt the prayers from my Bible study ladies. I felt the precious hug from my husband and the support of my boss.

Self leadership requires:

1. Honoring the sabbath. Rest without guilt because Jesus rested too. I don’t do dishes on Saturday. It’s my thing. What is your thing that you won’t do on sabbath or DO on sabbath that allows you rest in God’s presence? Maybe it’s not setting an alarm, exercising, taking a walk in nature, listening to worship music – sabbath is resting without guilt. Give God something – YOU! If you think of something on an off day, email your work email from your personal email so that you STAY AWAY from the work mindset and don’t get pulled into any emails.
2. Making wise choices. Set boundaries. Setting boundaries protect our calling. Say no to things or people so that you can say YES to God and other good things. There are some people I do not want to regularly hang out with because they don’t fill me up. They take a lot of energy and honestly, there’s no emotional, relational or spiritual benefits for me. When I’m away from my family or work, I want to spend my time wisely and choose people that fill me up.
3. Being intentional with your personal health. Such as: date nights, fun, distraction free time with your children (young or older), sleeping well, eating right, exercising. This could be leaning into your spiritual pathways to reconnect with God and rest in Him. If you cannot afford date nights then budget for them and make something happen. Search the internet for cheap fun date nights, maybe even in your own home. I’ve even heard of people door-dashing theater popcorn now to watch a movie at home after the kids have gone to sleep. Wow! Maybe even take your adult children out to lunch once a month. Tease those teenagers to a free meal! Author and speaker Jennie Allen said she told her kids when they started driving that if they were going to hang out together, just siblings no friends, that her and her husband would pay for it. A meal, something fun – to build their sibling relationships. I love that.
4. Having community. WHO in your life knows what you need during hard times? Who has permission to ask you HARD questions about how you’re really doing? I recently read a book about a nurse and her lost love and all the things World War II. When the main character spoke about her war friend nurses, I loved how they cared for each other – in knowing exactly what the other needed, she said… “…when they agreed to be friends, what they really needed was someone steady in the hard times.” I challenge you to make sure you have friends who know what you need in hard times: hand squeeze, silence but presence, hug, talk it out.

I know there are people who ask how you’re doing and you’ll always say fine. That’s ok! Having someone in your life, and maybe they’re at work too, that can say how are you – and you’ll be transparent is SO healthy. Some of you may take the BCWI survey within your church staff. There’s a question on there that’s vital to an employee’s overall happiness at work: Do you have a best friend at work?

Let’s be honest – saying “I’m fine.” is a defense mechanism. It’s a spiritual sounding lie and it robs us and the people who love us of the joy and love of community (“together through thick and thin”).

Vulnerability weaves strength into our spirit and it helps you in times of struggle. When telling my mom, Connor and my Bible study ladies how I was doing, I felt – “I’m stronger with Connor by my side…. And so on.” I’m creating space for God to show up through His people.

Plus we’re women(!!!!)…. Saying I’m fine or I’m good is our secret code for: IM DROWNING. Because we don’t want to be a burden. I’m taking care of a high level leader, running our huge staff meetings, coordinating meals upon meals (people gotta eat!) and if I fall apart then that lets him down… No! It’s not a failure of your faith, it’s an act of faith to say: I’m in a funk. I need some help.

THIS IS WISE, NOT WEAK. Here’s some scripture to back me up!

2 Cor 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.“

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Here’s one way I recently handled hard times: This summer I was not bouncing back as fast as I had with my other kids – aka 3 kids is a LOT. I was buying bigger jeans, still wanting mac and cheese everyday (man!) and really just not wanting to take care of myself. I knew I needed a headshot for this speaking event and another I’m doing in a month or so and I didn’t have any pictures worth sending. I even thought about sending a picture with a kid so that I had proof that I really was exhausted… then I thought hmmm, Sara, a fellow EA, always talks about AI and I haven’t really used it yet. Let’s see if I can use it to my advantage here and see what it does…

Uhh hello – I look awesome!!! It’s me but it’s not me! Don’t get me wrong, some of the pics that I got made me look like college freshman Tessa and trust me that Tessa has sailed. But for the most part I loved every picture. I needed the self-esteem booster. As I showed the pictures to my dad, I said: I wanna look like that. And my sweet dad says, “Babe, you do look like this.” Bottom line: be kind to yourself and use AI!

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Sometime in the next day or so, take 5-10 minutes to do a personal audit and work audit of your life right now. Remember we are dialing into: How are you leading yourself? Then… check-in:

HOW ARE YOU?

MIND – learning, reading, listening

HEART – friendships, marriage, parenting

SOUL – spiritual disciplines, bible reading, worship, rest

STRENGTH – nutrition, exercise, sleep

After you have your check-in answers make 3 small goals:

1. I will STOP _______ this.
2. I will START ________ this.
3. I will CONTINUE _______ this.

The goal isn’t perfection – it’s progress!!! It’s an awareness or environment for encouraging change.

Come back soon to reflect on your year and engage goals for the new year.

Comment below: what are you stopping, starting and continuing?